was 'weeding' out my com for documents to delete when i found this essay, written last yr while still in 3rd guards:
“I warn you, if you hit me with the antenna one more time…” With that ominous warning still resounding in my head, it was all I could summon, given my dead-beat state, to prevent myself from retorting something crude at MO for being so ‘understanding’. I was thoroughly enervated and so I bent forward a little to adjust my signal set; and in the process the antenna hit him, but need he be so uptight about it? Being a signaler during exercises was no mean feat; in addition to the terribly cumbersome and uncomfortable load you’re carrying on your back, you have to remain mentally alert most of the time, not to mention the fact that you are chionging and bashing as much as the riflemen, yet you still have to be at your superior’s beck and call, ready to do his bidding like some spineless minion, and one step out of place may result in you getting ticked, as perfectly illustrated in the above incident.
Now, in retrospect, the exercises that helped gear us up for, and including ATEC itself, were absolutely the highlights of my NS journey, albeit being the most dreaded events as well. However, as all have been conquered and triumphed over, and with only a few remaining months till ORD, it is with bitter-sweet memories that I reminisce about my journey thus far.
The rite of passage for most 18-year-old guys begins with enlistment, thereby beginning a new chapter of your life, a service to our Nation for at least 2 years long. I was thrown in with scores of recruits on Pulau Tekong that fateful day. Together with 199 other Scorpionites, we trained, ‘chao-genged’, and weathered the endless tirades of unreasonable sergeants and officers. It was therefore with great aplomb that we went through the POP, proud and happy to be freshly 'minted’ Privates. My next destination was then Signal Institute, a true architectural relic of the 1970s-80s; and indeed, a far cry from the cheery and more importantly, newer buildings at BMT. Fortunately, it was only a brief 6-week affair before I was posted to 3rd Guards, where I can truly begin my trade as a Signaler. The change in environment could be likened to, if exaggerated a little, from Heaven in Shambles to Hell in Splendour. I was trying hard to purge my mind of all the awful tales I heard from others about how xiong training can be for the Guardsmen, and the sight of the bright yellow pillars and maroon walls when I first arrived there helped brighten my mood a little. Alas, I was deceived. I have since learnt not to judge a Unit’s training by its camp façade.
It was almost one and a half years since I came to 3rd Guards, and when asked to write about my Army experience, I expected myself to launch into a cynical diatribe; however, upon further pondering, I realized that I have indeed gained quite a bit from what I’ve gone through thus far.
Now, I’m very glad that the only thing I did not gain was weight! I have always been slightly corpulent before NS and all thanks to the countless exercises and route marches, runs and PT sessions, I’m much slimmer now. I am sure that many combat-fit people would agree with me that being in the Army helps take your fitness level a notch higher, that is of course assuming that one has such opportunities to train for, and 3rd Guards certainly has more than its fair share of the pie. I did not, even in my wildest dreams, expect to get a Gold for my IPPT in BMT, especially since I only obtained a Silver for my NAPFA test in school in the year prior to enlistment. Although its hard to replicate the results again, I’m glad that my endurance, strength, speed and stamina have been taken to greater heights.
Army also revolves round the people you are with. Some may lament the fact that they have to stay in, but I personally feel that this very fact allows us to see our peers for what they really are, as it is definitely not easy to put on a false veneer 5 days a week, 24 hours a day, and play ‘Mr Nice Guy’ for weeks on end. For when real personas are manifested, this is where true interaction starts, friendships are forged, confidants are found; differences which clash are then encouraged to intermesh. I have found some great friends here, and this huge melting pot in which we all are ingredients of translates into, besides an eclectic mix of views, opinions and beliefs, much interesting entertainment. I can certainly recall with much amusement all the jokes that we laughed over, mostly those which are loaded with sexual innuendoes. Army is, needless to say, one of the few places where taboo topics can be broached comfortably.
On a more serious note, I have learnt some very important things which I’m sure would augur well for me in the future. I have learnt to increase my level of tolerance. This is exceptionally crucial in the Army as everything here is so volatile, from tempers to timing. One needs to learn take things in their stride and keep one’s head even when the going gets tough. There is simply nothing to gain by getting emotionally-charged by things beyond our control. I also try to sublimate all vexation, chagrin and frustration into a positive driving force. Of course, when this doesn’t work and all else fails, I do not fret, its okay. I just step back and join the others in cussing and complaining. It feels good to unleash all the fury and dissatisfaction within once in a while.
As with all other huge organisations, the Army is not without its flaws. Bureaucratic red tape aside, I personally opine that much can be done to improve on its efficiency. From guard duty, area cleaning, and redundant rules to senseless protocols, do they exist just for the sake of it? Take for example, the current court case of 2nd Sgt Hu, who unfortunately died after his dunking session had gone awry. Indeed, commando training needs to be tough, but one does not need much common sense to suspect that perhaps his instructors have a sadistic streak in them and have gone too far, even to the extent of taking an innocent life. This has undoubtedly led to the Army being under the scrutiny of the public. If a furore can be raised even among members of the public, let alone us NSF personnel? The Army certainly set off with very fine goals and ideals in mind, but much of it was achieved at the trade-off of our happiness. Many questions are raised, yet they are left unanswered. There is much that I enjoy about NS, but I believe that in order for future generations to have a better experience, it is important to hear what we have to say and after vetting it, incorporate it into the NS ‘syllabus’ if deemed fit. After all, once a compromise can be reached, a win-win situation results and I’m sure a morally-upbeat defence force is better than one full of disgruntled soldiers...those were just some thoughts i had back then when my BSO asked us to pen down our reflections on e journey thus far. in just a span of 4 months after ORD, i realised that i think differently from what i used to.
coincidentally, i met CY today at the mrt while waiting for T, both of whom were my army mates. it was great to see CY after these 2 yrs. he's still pretty much e same since BMT where he was my buddy. talk abt bmt quickly ensued and it hit me then that time really flies by so quickly. of coz it doesnt seem like yesterday when we enlisted (considering the arduous nites of outfield and more banal dreary crap we had to endure, it was certainly further far back in time than just yesterday), yet now we're all already on the cusp of beginning our tertiary education.
dinner with T was gd too, just chatting and catching up with each other. i consider myself greatly blessed to have such wonderful people around during these 2 yrs; they have helped make the journey more enjoyable and endurable, and i thank them for their precious friendship.
here's a spastic pic of me and SQ taken before guard duty. i must have been retarded to look so happy when doing guard duty.
and heres a wonderfully written essay by tim that encapsulates everything so succinctly.
Life.
Strange how it leads you to places that you would never expect to go, and stranger still how it makes you long for the days gone past, even as you walk inevitably along its many corridors.
We long for the past, even as we approach the future.
We long to re-live the good times that we had, to never leave behind intimate experiences of fun, joy and friendship.
And we long to encapsulate all that we’ve been through, to etch them deeply, irrevocably, into our hearts and minds.
We swim in our memories, flailing and gliding through the congealing waters as we go deeper and deeper into the dream-like world of our past. We see sights that remind us of things that we wish not to remember, or objects that resonate with things that left indelible imprints upon our lives.
Indeed, the past never seems to truly release its hold on us.
Now as I sit here and write this while sitting on my bed in the stuffy bunk, my memories are swirling and churning within my mind. Memories of route marches, of the endless hours of outfield exercises, of the ‘saikang’ that we did, of the confusion we felt, the fear we harbored, the worries we had and the gnawing dull ache of interminable hours spent sitting restlessly in the bunk, staring at the world that beckoned beyond our gates.
But there are other memories too. Memories of the Sentosa trip that we took, the larger-than-life figures that dominated our platoon, the fun we had watching VCDs in the bunk and the friendship we built. Memories of laughter, joy, faith, determination and hope.
Indeed, it has been an amazing journey of ups and downs and everything in between these past two plus years.
But, we made it. Through it all, we conquered our fears, broke down obstacles, and soared, bit by bit, to the finishing line.
Perhaps I am too sentimental; perhaps I am too native. But I believe that whatever we went through, in the end, it was worth it. Because nothing else would have been able to testify fully to the incredible journey that we have had.
This is it. The ORD parade that will mark the beginning of the end.
And as I enter another chapter of my life, always in the evening of my memories will I return to this day. Always there echoes the memories of the incredible journey that we have had. Always there echoes the memories of the friends we were, and the friends that we will continue to be.
Raunchy!!! I like!! haha :)
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