warning: this post might startle. ribald language used.

now, now, now, before any of you start wondering why i used the acronym for an expletive as a title, let me make myself clear: WTF stands for 'Welcome to France'; though of coz, the double entendre and allusion to that famous cuss expression play its role brilliantly here. i initially thought of 'moments of magic', but then decided against it as the only magic i can think of is of the dark kind that i wld happily summon to make metro doors clamp unforgivingly on the 'nads and nuts of both french men and women alike, especially those who have crossed me.

i've spent many a post in e past waxing lyrical about paris, or about france in general, and have also learnt to accept odd incongruities as très normal (very normal). throughout the course of my three years here, i've had so many wonderful WTF moments, some of which are so stupendously dumb you just cock your head to the side, raise an eyebrow and roll your eyes back in disbelief. now, whenever such casse-noix (nutcracker) incidents occur, you just look away from your interlocutor, and mutter under your breath the three magic words : "WTF...". and of coz, you have to let the F-end trail off into a decrescendo, so that you can truely HEAR your own anguish dissolve away magically.

on the average, i have about 5 WTF moments per fortnight. they come about when u least expect them. like nasty traps awaiting you around the corner, they attack you when u're unaware, and are at ur most vulnerable. long given to the minutia of bureaucracy, i have done all the paperasserie (paperwork) that this country, which seems to have such a genuine affinity for all things past (and backward), just adores. ive used more than 20 stamps this academic year alone to get my residency permit, my health insurance, accomodation subsidy, social security and transport card. the list goes on and on. like seriously, the internet exists for a goddamn reason u dingbats. embrace it, not ignore it. snail mail is called such precisely because they dun get delivered at concorde speeds.

**cues in pyrotechnical display of french brilliance**

yes, let me get back to my WTF moments. you remember the day when u opened your fridge to see broccoli fluids flowing out of the freezer and turning everything into a lovely shade of green? and how, with a sheer stroke of genius you finally concluded that there's something wrong with the compressor as your freezer completely froze over and busted the plastic door apart? and how you eagerly checked the french word for compressor to make sure that it is indeed 'compresseur' before going down to the admin office and telling them triumphantly that even though uve miraculously managed to spoil the freezer, u've pinpointed it to a malfunction of the compressor? and oh, im sure u will always remember the fateful day when the saviour of a maintenance man came sauntering into your room, EMPTY-HANDED. 'i'm here just to have a quick look', he deadpanned.

and now, everyone says, at the count of three: 'WTF!!!'

or how after your colle (oral test) in the afternoon, you rushed all the way to the dining hall as u only had 1/2 hr to eat before lessons start, only to find to your dismay that e doors were closed as they had alr stopped serving? and how you pleaded with the matronly swine that oversees the order in the hall that you'd just ended your colle and were so hungry you wld get gastric if u didnt eat anything soon? and how, without missing a beat, she told you that there wasn't any food left, even though you could see the plates of food right behind her?

WTF.

and just when you think that ure settling comfortably into your WTF lifestyle, another, even more magical WTF moment just comes and takes your breath away.

oh, that saturday afternoon when u just finished your four-hour exam and were raring to go home, but had to do some grocery-shopping as usual. u braved the crowd on the bus, and finally reached the supermarket. half an hour later, you were at the only counter lane that was open as all the other cashiers went for their interminable lunch break. the queue stretched ahead of you and u knew that you were in for a long wait as everyone in front had trolleys filled to the brim while all you had was a basket. finally, you were just before the cashier. the woman before you was in e midst of putting everything back into her trolley, and by everything, u mean copious amounts of provender that could sustain a family of five for a week. by then u were suppressing the urge to just, in what u thought would have been a magnanimous demonstration of civic-mindedness, help her throw everything into her trolley. in the meantime, the cashier, who had already swiped everything and was waiting extremely patiently for the skank to pay, was beaming at you sunnily. u swear u cld have erupted from the mounting impatience in u. said skank finally finished arranging her stuff, and then proceeded to pay by cash. oops, not sufficient cash. by card then. oops. cant remember the PIN. she decided to pay by cheque then, and so it began: the long process of checking of ID, then the cheque, and then at last the writing of it. she was finally gone, and u heaved a sigh of relief. u got all ur stuff out of the basket, and everything went smoothly, till the cashier delivered the coup de grâce: she didn't have any change.

WTF.

now, seeing that i spend an inordinate amt of time in sch weekly, it only follows that most of the WTF moments were spent there. i must have mentioned my classmate maxime at least once. now this guy is a rare breed of virtuoso that you cant just find anywhere. he's in the same colle group as me, and so i just relish each time he does smth wrong.

magical maxime WTF moment 1:
(maxime was doing a thermodynamics qn on the board, and had to solve a differential equation of second degree)
our young descartes here gave the general solution for a diff. eqn of 1st degree!! after two years of prepa math, he was obtuse enough to give such an answer.

WTF.

like, earth to you dude. you dumb or smth? it's a goddamn 2nd deg eqn, u screwed it up and u tried to argue. anw, for that colle, i was so busy simpering away at maxime that i screwed up part of my fick's law, and so was brought back to earth with a hugely disagreeable jolt of hubris by my prof. =(

MM WTF moment 2:
(we had pork ribs for lunch one day, those that looked exactly like how pork ribs look like: a rack of thick long angular bones with not that much meat actually. we found a table, sat down and i tucked in. maxime was busy inspecting his pork ribs.)

maxime, after much pondering: what meat is this?
me: WTF!!!!

i could go on reminiscing about the many WTF moments that whiz kid magical maxime has provided me with. his shocking discovery that when u integrate and then differentiate a function f, u get back f; and how could i forget! that priceless WTF moment when he asked me if i knew soccer star ronaldinho and mickey mouse.. woah, these oh-so-painful WTF moments i surely wldn't miss.

so there you go, some of the sweetest WTF episodes in my life here. the next time someone dishes out something that is unfair/doesn't make any sense to u, all u have to do is give the gallic shrug, think to yourself 'WTF!', smack that jackass squarely in his bijoux de famille (crown jewels), and then look at him bend over and scream 'WTF!!!'

who says you can't have your own WTF moment too?

S'poreans get A+ for response on Mas Selamat's escape: Swee Say

THE response of Singaporeans to the escape of Mas Selamat Kastari, a Jemaah Islamiah (JI) leader, received an A+ on Tuesday.

Minister Lim Swee Say, who described the escape as a test in inter-racial cohesion, said Singaporeans passed it 'with flying colours'.

He said people worked as one, without any finger-pointing, to search for the former chief of the Singapore JI cell.

'Did they take a position based on their racial or religious groups and draw the line? They did not,' he pointed out.

Mr Lim, Minister in the Prime Minister's Office, was speaking to about 250 grassroots and community leaders at an event that underlines Singapore's unrelenting effort to maintain racial harmony.

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the above article in the straits times is just too tantalising to pass on, and as such warrants another errant post on an insanely blustery tuesday evening.

isnt it amazing how our leaders can see the silver lining in every grey looming cloud? and how our conduct could be rated at times like this, and be given an outstanding academic grade at that? and tell me if this isn't the quintessential thing e gahmen excels best at: skirt the burning questions on everyone's mouth, bask in the prolonged glory of hosting the youth olympics, take time out to commend the citizens on their exemplary behaviour (presumably to fill the newspaper void that shld have long been occupied by headlines lauding the successful capture of mas selamat by our armed forces), all while acting blissfully oblivious to the slamming by newspapers all over the world.

oh come on, give me a break. flying colours, A+. reading that made me cringe like anything. dun get me wrong. i sure am worried for everyone's safety for as long as that guy remains uncaught. and i do recognise e fact that racial cohesion is something that has helped preserve the current status quo in e country, which might otherwise have escalated into smth far worse and uncontrollable elsewhere. but to go tis far in patting oneself on the back is just something that doesnt seem to be of much use (especially since e govt admits not being sure about how he got away), and might draw more ire from e ppl and presses instead.

on a side and somewhat-impertinent note, 'selamat' means 'safe' in malay, so let's just pray that no one's safety is compromised while that fugitive is lurking around .

i was mugging over this for the past hour till i started seeing stars, so here i am breaking a supposedly-impending post drought, once again due to a dire need to do something more light-hearted and search for something entertaining before i go crazy from all that deep, dry marx crap. and look what i've found! 3 ingeniously photoshopped pics of celebs immortalised as... figures in religious art. great stuff haha.










went to grenoble over the wkend to visit M. apart from some scenic snow-capped mountains and an immense fortress on a hilltop, the town has nothing much to boast of, and is far from spectacular. i guess it's only good if ure there for skiing. but anyway the stellar company more than made up for it. after a few days of staying in last week to revise, i was totally starved for gd conversation and human interaction. and as it turned out, i was sated in the end. hung over from a tad too much vodka, and a menu gastronomique lunch prepared by the chef himself (heureusement pas sur papier hygiénique lol), i was revitalised over the weekend. comfort food and company, a winning combination always. =)

and oh, throw in the internet as well. with every sec that i spend online, i get more alert. alas and aleck, marx's text is beckoning.. that guy wld prob flip in his grave if he knew how bone-achingly boring his works can be. to me at least haha. okay, am out.