and so it is, that the 10 weeks of respite have come to a close (well, almost, with just 5 more days); and that im almost packed and all ready, and i daresay, even, raring to go.

truth be spoken, life to me can be quite vagabondish in more ways than one. i get all excited about returning home, and then once the initial excitement and hype die down, i start craving for something new. new places to be in, new sights to take in, new things to do, and new people to meet.

yet, despite my constant yearnings, im very happy to have gotten my rest, and am fully recharged for a new academic year ahead. to feel that all challenges are surmountable, that nothing can intimidate me anymore and that solitude is just but a mental battle that can be easily won is something that i couldnt even remotely feel back there and then. such is the amazing power of coming home, the strengthening and the feeling of invincibility.

it may sound slightly masochistic, but im looking forward to being alone again. yes, and by 'alone' i dun mean that kind of 'overseas alone' whereby u can just slip on your slippers, shuffle along the corridor, climb some flights of stairs, walk to a particular door, knock and you shall find your comfort gang of singaporeans/asians (ie of coz, if you're not already housing with them). what im talking about here is a vacuum that cannot be filled so conveniently and cheaply. but what is good is that i have more breathing space, and less trouble too. for living with people brings into play some politics and compromise, and theres always treading of toes somehow. sure, i enjoy company and certainly value the importance of sharing a gd laugh over crass humour, and helping each other in times of need, but i think i treasure my personal space just as much; and above all, i think it wld serve as a greater impetus for me to socialise more.

i realised that ive changed. that the freedom and independence ive enjoyed overseas has led to me wanting things done in a certain manner; and as such i wouldnt give in so easily. my territory is therefore now more easily encroached upon. and dealing with ppl is not an easy business. even within the family, parents can be belligerent, and bro can be so incalcitrant i wanna drown them all with e vitriol and risen bile in me. some friends alike, have left me feeling quite disenchanted with their attitudes and behaviour. so much for professing to do this and that, when they are the 'out of sight, out of mind' kinda ppl. owell, i shant be affected anymore by it. for now, im just glad to return to my second home where, though theres a lack of company on weekdays, i have friends to meet up with on weekends, and certain routines i hope to get into. and that, for me is sufficient.

it wldnt be fair to entirely discount the fun tt ive had this summer, with the numerous jaunts and gatherings i had with some gangs. for those who made e effort to plan and organise, heres a big shout out to them. the harsh reality of friendship is that most ppl come and go, and that few are able to fully progress with you in every stage of your life. what matters most is then treasuring those who have accompanied you thru e important and formative chapters of your life, and keeping those u deem worthy. this yr overseas has functioned as a sieve for me to sift out - to put it bluntly - rejects from those whom i wanna stay in contact with. there is simply no point in keeping acquaintances and having once-in-a-blue-moon meet-ups and meals, is there?

ah...who can truly understand the mixed feeling of conflict at every turn i make? and who can stay free of judgement?

at times, i rely too much on my strength when i shld have relied on His. and where my understanding fails me, i still try to grope thru e darkness instead of turning to Him. i fail terribly in this aspect. its time to commit myself into His hands. hands that flung stars into space, to cruel nails surrendered.

after reaching home from work, i usually go for a 3km run unless im too lazy. and so this evening was no different. i donned my dua dua faculty tshirt and my guards running shorts tts really short with those super-high slits at the sides. i changed to my heavyset metal frames and put on those old chucked-in-one-corner school socks. i was all set to go and left for e park tts a 5min walk away. i must really have been a frumpy-looking sight to behold. and since i thought i wouldnt meet anyone i know, i ruffled my hair while strolling over. i turned a sharp right at this corner, walked into the playground and then i saw her. she was with another guy. i gave a silent yelp and knew tt there was no way i could turn around and pretend that i never see them. worse, there was no buffer time to 'tidy myself up'. she waved and gave a cheery 'hi', i offered an awkward one in return. after that, e 5 min chatter felt like eternity. part of it was due to the mandatory exchange of greetings and e small talk tt ensued. but it was further exacerbated by my over self-consciousness. and e ironic thing was tt i thought of her while passing by her place, and wondered how it wld be like to meet her.

having 'disposed off' them, i reached e starting point and began my warm-ups. they were basically e stretching exercises tt were so firmly ingrained in my head, courtesy of SAF.

and then, i made my move.

as i start pounding the tarmac, i start my stopwatch. i seem to have a mysterious force pushing me ahead today. was it due to e chance encounter earlier on? for once, i move with an easy, almost effortless stride. i seem to glide above e running path, my mouth limp and relaxed, and my arms swing half-circles against e side of my ribs; all while my feet easily eat up the distance.


yea rite. the path still loomed before me as a vision from hell— blackened and raw, rolling endlessly and thus blotting out the end point. thru out e run, my leg muscles pleaded with me to abort, but i persevered. i was really dying in e racing sense when i finished. i could hear my sharp gasps of breath loud and clear as if i was sucking in air through a rusted grate.i panted so hard it almost hurt. and my thunder thighs must have pounded the tarmac really hard. my colossal calves burned so badly. i was the portrait of utmost exhaustion, with sweat beading across my entire beetroot-red face, eyes lolling; and even my tongue, which sought refuge from the parched interior of my mouth, was beginning to dangle. and thats when i met another fren, a guy this time.

omg. that was such a fantastic moment. why do ppl have to pop out of e blue when i least expect them, and why do they always talk to me at the most inconvenient of moment? i shld have won an oscar for the smiling expression i put on when i talked to him. oh.. the pain tt belied inside..

and oh, the joy of SERENDIPITOUS encounters with friends in your neighbourhood.