at last sch has ended, on a tuesday no less, with two papers on tt day. BUT, on Jour-J itself, i HAD to forget to switch on my alarm clock (which was the first time ever), and that resulted in me waking up at 0930 instead of 0630. never scrambled so quickly before, and was out in less than 15 mins instead of the usual 1/2 hr. after a mad rush to sch; i was on time for the second paper. thankfully... the first was mercifully administered after the second, but only after some sheepish explanation. being a single student helps too haha.

and with that, im on hols now!! altho its only for a mere 2 weeks, i have not felt so elated over sch breaks. not for a long long time. sec sch and jc ones were greeted with jaded nonchalance, and even my ORD was underwhelming. just went back to S1 to collect IC and some other stuff. without even the slightest modicum of excitement or jubilance.

it only hit me recently that i've been studying here for ~3 months, and that im happier now. i notice how my french varies with the person im talking to. impatient, intimidating teachers and clsmates who speak slang laced with thick french accents get to witness my half-baked french, while with others, generally people whom i feel more comfy with, i speak with more confidence. i wonder when i would be able to speak fully-fledged french. and i realise that my memory,diligence and discipline were left behind in spore. gone are the days where i can just rattle the points away or sit down and mug conscientiously. now procrastination and dilly-dallying took its place. i wld take ages just to settle down to study, only to get distracted by the magazine/my music box and there i wld be, either reading stuff other than my work or turning the handle of e music box like some prat, willing myself to stop after the 3rd round but ending up stopping only after the umpteenth one. and so my results could be more spectacular... got to buck up. the pedagogic approach here is so different, they throw definitions of theorems at you and then you're off to solving exam questions. what is this?? and they still have the cheek to sigh non-stop when i couldnt solve the whole question...grrgh. i really miss spore's spoon-feeding, whereby theres a nice little intro to set ur cogs in motion, plenty of explanations to oil ur wheels and progressive examples to ignite the spark plug. worse, studying in french seems to make the facts more impenetrable. portent of a tough ride ahead. come jan, i wld have to choose my next school to go to, which region to go to, and the course i wanna take. just thinking of it makes me wanna space out. meanwhile, save for the sporeans, the social landscape remains lamentable and needs to be sculpted further. like the french said, "ça va venir", which means 'it would come', but come when??? their 'take-it-easy, easy-come-easy-go ' mentality doesnt really go down well with everything, does it?

some people yearn so much to study overseas. i was like that too before, but now, i cant help but wonder if i would have chosen another path given this hindsight. i acknowledge the boons of studying overseas, what with being exposed to a different culture, becoming stronger in person, gaining independence blah blah. and with a recent short weekend trip to strasbourg and colmar in eastern france, freiburg in germany and basel and biel in switzerland, studying in e heart of europe has never been better. but all these could have been easily done and gained with a SEP isnt it? a semester or two would suffice to give you the opportunities to travel (albeit covering each place superficially only), see the world beyond the microcosm of spore and feel what its like to study overseas; and all this while u can play so hard with not much concern over your studies. moreover the duration isnt long enough to set u pining away for home or friends. its quite the best of both worlds, and chances are you wld be so happy overseas you dread going back home. students in spore wld beg to differ, but for all that studying overseas is worth, nothing beats going back spore at the end of the day, esp once the initial hype and thrill die down... just have your fair share of fun and wat-not during 1/2-semester sejour overseas and then go home. all that being said, human beings are never satisfied with wat they have, pastures will forever be greener on the other side of the fence; and so to whoever's on e cusp of making such a huge decision, i say deliberate long and hard.. follow your heart and dun jump on the bandwagon just because.

2005 seems to be such a short yr, with the first 3 months spent vegetating thru out the rest of NSF liability, followed by bumming around and getaways with platoon mates, on to much revelry with e dsta bunch and finally getting down to serious studies. my beliefs have changed, and paradigm shifts have occurred as a result of the many phantasmagorias of highlights and downs, but all that dun seem to matter now. i'd just live for the present. 2006 looks all set to start on the right note. i would be shifting to another residence on 2nd jan, this time with a fridge and kitchenette,wc and shower, and internet access all in my own room!! and the icing on the cake is that the rent might even be lower than my present one!!! *waves bye to my present shithole*

ok, this is abrupt but it looks like the sch com lab needs to be closed now, so in all gd festive cheer, here's wishing everyone a merry xmas and a happy new yr! =)

Qui a le droit - Patrick Bruel


"Te pose pas trop de question,
Tu sais petit c'est la vie qui t'repond,
A quoi ca sert de vouloir tout savoir?
Regarde en l'air et vois ce que tu peux voir"

On m'avait dit:
"Faut ecouter son pere"
Le mien a rien dit quand il s'est fait la paire
Maman m'a dit: "t'es trop ptit pour comprendre"
Et j'ai grandi avec une place � prendre

Qui a le droit
Qui a le droit
Qui a le droit de faire ca
A un enfant qui croit vraiment
C'que dise les grands
On passe sa vie � dire merci
Merci � qui? � quoi?
A faire la pluie et le beau temps
Pour des enfants � qui l'on ment

On m'avait dit:
"les hommes sont tous pareils
Y'a plusieurs dieu mais y'a qu'un seul soleil"
Oui mais le soleil il brille ou bien il brule
Tu meurs de soif ou bien tu bois des bulles

A toi aussi j'suis sur qu'on t'en a dit
De belles histoires et pas que des conneries
Alors maintenant on se retrouve sur la route
Avec nos peurs nos angoisses et nos doutes

Qui a le droit
Qui a le droit
Qui a le droit d'faire ca
A des enfants qui croient vraiment ce que disent les grands
On passe sa vie a dire merci
Merci � qui? � quoi?
A faire la pluie et le beau temps
Pour des enfants � qui l'on ment


Who has the right?


I had been told : Don't ask yourself too many questions
You know, young boy, life will answer you
What's the use of wanting to know everything ?
Look up and see what you can see
I had been told : Fathers are to be listened to
Mine said nothing when he left us
Mum told me : You're too young to understand
And I grew up with a place to take

Who has the right, who has the right ?
Who has the right to do that ?
To a child who really believes
What grown-ups tell him
You spend your life saying 'thank you'
Thanking who, and what ?
Deciding on the weather
For children you lie to

I was told : Men are all the same
There are several gods but just one sun
Yes but the sun shines or burns
You die of thirst or you drink bubbles
For you as well, you have been told
Of fantasy stories and tall tales
So we're on the road now
With our fears, our anguish and our doubts


i really like the song above. the lyrics are quite meaningful but once translated, they become crap.some say that drinking keeps you warm; not only does it keep me warm, it keeps me happy all nite long and i forget whatever gloom there was during the week. fantastic. a quintessential solution for low spirits. looks like ive found a solution to boredom during weekends. with beaujolais wine, hougaarden beer, 1664 and drafts, and hopefully more frequent gatherings with the others, my deprivation of gd fun during the week gets an outlet. and i must resolve not to let all the surrounding situations get to me. hard as it may be, it wld be a pity if all the verve dies out just because things dun get moving the way i want them to. im gonna sublimate whatever despondency i have into a positive attitude, its not gonna be easy, but i guess i have to do it..

some of the better times i have had..



red and high with drinking buddies



one of the few dinners that we had




and another




snowing again




the morning after it snowed




my 'favourite' italian chef deciding to play with snow. watch it! your pasta's getting burnt!

a new week ahead. 3 weeks more of sch. 5 weeks to second semester. 6 more months to spore!

this post isnt gonna be a happy one; id be griping and ranting non-stop so those who arent interested read no further. people who are gonna downplay my complaints here can go www.flykite.com. it has been more than 2 weeks since i last blogged, and while there are certainly occasions that marked the 'crests' of this 'undulating' period, they're really rare. the doldrums, on the other hand, seem to be the status quo of the day.

now, to those people who are studying overseas in the UK, US, or Australia, please do count your lucky stars if you have firm friends, particularly singaporeans, around u. your workload might be horribly heavy, and ur academics may be in the shittiest state ever in ur whole life; or hell, your room-mate may stink to high-heavens, and the toilet is dirty like chibong, but remember: if you have friends to hang around with, be it during meal times, or in sch, or to go out with, be goddamn grateful! for the very presence of friends helps to temper the storms of overseas studies, and simply, render the ride smoother and more meaningful. those who beg to differ can go away. youre probably one of those that like to oppose whatever others say.

im fully aware of wat im in for when i came over here, and believe me, im handling the plunge as well as i could. im revising my work whenever i can, and flipping thru the dictionary ever so often for all the bloody technical terms and jargons even my usual neatness fails to prevent dog-ears from forming in it. i listen to the french radio everyday and while aural comprehension and oral expression have improved, its all still in vain as besides being able to converse with the ppl here comfortably, wat i need at the end of the day is still a constant grp of kakis i can hang out with. you may very well say that ive chosen this path and so ive to stick to it. grin and bear it. trust me, come over here and and i'd see how u bear it. wats the point of being in paris when im mostly alone? fancy going to restaurants of cafes alone? what about a stroll by the seine? exploring the catacombs? the latin quarters? the royal palais? being the newest sporean in france sucks at times, most of the others have already seen most of the sights, and are less inclined towards visiting them again.

in sch, fortunately, ive managed to find a handful of people in my class whom i can seek out when i first enter the lecture theatre, whom i can idle-chatter on msn with and even go out occasionally with. but pray tell, who wld u gravitate towards or inevitably flock to when ure in need of help/bored/feeling chatty and wanna joke around with someone? certainly not that unbearable jock or that sunkissed girl from houston. and eew, that freckled-face ass whos so irritating!?!? and that proud japanese bitch? haha thanks but no thanks. u get my drift. perhaps its an innate nature of us humans to tend to group together by homogeneity. regardless of how well u integrate in with society anywhere, unless u are 100% capable of assimilating into the whole culture and are able to partake of their mentality and mores, chances are you wld stick out like a sore thumb, and probably feel like one too from time to time. and lets see how much small talk or solitude you can tahan before you get really sick of it.

in my residence, ive managed to find an italian girl who i always cook with. now, in all fairness, im very happy to have someone to cook with, somehow it just feels better to cook with someone than alone. but, herein lies the problem. shes over-punctilious about every single thing, and thats when i really feel like smacking her real hard. she can go on bobbing her head and spewing strings of unintelliglible italian words at me, i dun care. my dear italia girl, i know pasta and accompanying sauces are your fields of expertise, so by all means go ahead and instruct me how to go about mixing and cooking them. but, i draw the line when u get annoyed that i stir the goddamn pot of pasta in the exact manner you instructed me to! if u wanna do all the cooking, fine by me. and you stupid pathophobe, im as fussy over cleanliness as you are, so if you insist on doing the dishes, go ahead. id just sit and eat and watch and smile while you do the dishes. and if i wanna eat my vegetables and meat along with the pasta, its my blardy business, buzz off! i dun give a damn about how italians wld raise their eyebrows if i eat their beloved pasta/pizza alongside with other dishes. dominatrix indeed. thankfully, i dun cook much or else id probably go mad soon.

i tell myself that all wld get better. but seriously it wld be best if there were more sporeans here. its ok even if i stick around with sporeans whole day long, hang out with them during lessons and in my free time and when hols come, whee! go traveling together. its ok not to mix around with the caucasians and natives that much. the friendships forged wld stagnate at some superficial level anyway as compared to those with fellow sporeans. id content with just touring around, looking at all the attractions and having fun, and then leave when its time to leave, go back to spore contended with my sejour overseas as a student-tourist.

and the ppl back in spore, i share your pains and agonies over the exams and all else, so take heart! i face them here too and this time its worse as im all alone, thus when i encounter difficulties, i dun have 'ready access' to ppl who can help, and theres no home to go to at the end of the week/everyday for that matter. hot weather is bad at times, but at least it isnt painful! and the food, language, friends and all else that ive overlooked before i came over! dun take them for granted. this winter period is really awful. my skin cracks and bleeds like hell above the knuckles despite slathering loads of moisturising lotion and oil. and when the wind blows, its as if ure asphyxiating from all the cold air that gets trapped in your throat and threatened not to go down. cheeks get numbed and ears hurt. fingers bend as if you have arthritis and your toes feel like trotters. and when alls so freaking cold its as if your most important bits wld just freeze and drop off... add to that being lonely and tackling impossible maths, thats when you really feel like you could just die..

god speed my return.