ooh, it's been a long time since i last visited this place. sure feels good to have a monologue once again, where no one can contradict anything i say. =)

so, what was the impetus that sparked off this blogging tonight? probably my morbid fascination at finding out how ugly i look in some photos that i happened to be browsing through idly, photos taken during my venice+ski trip by.. surprise surprise, my friends.

ladies and gentlemen, i present to you, the mug shot that flooded venice soon after it was taken:




(in jest):minah who was taking this pic ugly as sin, meee had to close mee slitty eyes

now, if u'd just look past the elaborately girly mask (which incidentally wasn't mine), u might possibly think, what was actually going on when this pic was taken? trust me, i dunno.
wince factor: 90%




now, what's that lumpy michelin-like thingy on the left with those two fat cheeks?!?!
wince factor: 80%




skiing amateur acting pro. on a flat surface. how.. very impressive.
wince factor: 80%



those craggy sides of the mountains.. ah.. i tried my best to avoid them.



at last, some semblance of beauty, courtesy of mother nature.



eeks. i hate slopes like this during the first two days. i tend to accelerate so quickly i feared i wld defy all laws of physics. thankfully, or perhaps unfortunately, i always obeyed the laws of gravity. butt first of course.



i really like this pic. the mountains just look soo august and resplendent with those trees fringing the front.



why did the sky suddenly lour? because ugly boy's out to ski!!

on the subject of ugly, i have to concede that someone outstripped me in this esthetic category. on an unanimous basis no less. i'm talking about susan boyle, a scottish woman who was recently catapulted to fame on Britain's Got Talent. without much further ado, let's see her in her full.. unattractive glory:



i first knew about her on facebook ( amazing how such things get published on fb actually), but when a friend mentioned her this evening, im beginning to think that it wasn't her who was ugly so much as our reaction to her.

to be fair to susan, she isn't all that ugly. she does look slightly squashed and frumpy, especially with her unruly teeth and unkempt hair. but that gold lace dress.. ah that's a different story. she looked like a slab of pork sitting on a doily. and what's with that hip-wiggling?!?!

the british lot isn't exactly known to be blessed in the looks department. look at graham norton. he sure is funny as hell, but he looks like a baboon with mascara. and that chef gordon ramsay.. boy, if only he looked half as appetising as the british foodfare he whips up ( which isn't much). his face reminds me of a dried-up riverbed. go google or wiki him if you don't believe me. God is fair though. for every gordon ramsay he created, he created a nigella lawson.

now that woman really invented food porn. watching her cookshow just makes one feel all funny inside and below. and im sure keira knightley and kate beckinsale are two of e best-looking british actresses ever. oh and emily watson too. smart girl to boot.

oups, ive digressed. but seriously, wasn't it incredulous how the audience reacted to her? that long unpleasant wolf whistle. gawd. i wld prob have died from shame on the spot. and that simon cowell, buffed to e sheen of an ornamental pebble, rolling his eyes so high they threatened to roll down the aisle and onto the stage to gawk at susan more closely. amanda holden ( another rare pretty brit, with the faint snail trails of botox over her perfectly smooth face) had the decency to choose neutrality. brownie points for that. piers morgan winced. just like i did at my pics above.

i like the moment where susan steadied herself, feet apart and sang like a scottish edith piaf. those few seconds where the audience and judges were spellbound and ashamed. ashamed at having misjudged this sad little spinster, beloved only of Pebbles her cat. till the shame gave way to unabashed gasping and involuntary clapping. clapping at how this scottish woman with that cheeky grin dared to aspire to be like elaine paige, and clapping probably at how astounded they were at having to swallow their pride, since susan's having the last laugh now.

amanda sums it up most succinctly i guess, when she said that everyone was against susan. poor little susan. even paul potts, winner of Britain's Got Talent in 2007, had an easier time, even though his face was equally squashed. i dun remember there being any smirking or derision.

now perhaps there is some basis for feminism after all. seems that only women with bright empty beauty get to go on screen. ugly women get their fair share of airtime on the news, where they can weep pitifully because some awful personal tragedy had befallen them, as their fate would have it naturally.

i really hope susan wins this competition. she will probably be the talk of town, and perhaps Toys'R Us would have a miniature toy replica of her.

"look at this! it's ugly, it sings, and best of all, it can wiggle its hips!!" introducing the sexy singing susan.

i feel like susan at times. the freakish exception that becomes very malicious because others grind my very existence into dust. i do not deserve this, but hey, they probably do not deserve me either.